How Do I Start? With Inspiration from P-Life

I was about to leave an anonymous blog, which I will publish below, in response to this phenomenal posting by Passionate Life, and after months of considering starting a blog, I'm jumping into it. This is so not how I thought to start things-with absolutely no background information about myself, but perhaps this will give you insight as to my thoughts, and I would love to hear feedback from others who may share or disagree with what I'm feeling...

So, P-Life is writing about "The Myth of The Heart Thumper Soulmate," and a quick synopsis is how we all have to give up on this Hollywood ideal of romance, and happily ever after, and one person being able to fulfill everything. He has an uncle that dated "heart thumping" women, and once upon a time dated a woman who the family didn't see as exciting, dumped her, got married, got divorced, somehow found his way back to the woman who wasn't as exciting, and married her. They are happily married now. As soon as I figure out how to link to his profile, I will add it.

My reply to him, which I did not publish on his site for it would have taken up way too much space was....

Hey, P-Life! You have articulated this subject so perfectly! I don't wish to sound immodest, but I am the kind of woman that most would view as a heart thumper. Within my own dating life, I have had the same struggles as you. I had to come to the conclusion that it is easier to find a handsome, affluent man than to find one with integrity, the ability to be faithful, and most importantly, reverence for and love of Hashem. By dating men with these latter attributes, I am often shocked at how many people who apparently care about me make comments to the effect that I am "too good" for these trustworthy and honest men, and that I should save myself for one of the heart thumpers. Unfortunately, I've had issues with the nice men, because in the end, they can't accept that an attractive and vibrant woman would actually wish to build a life with one who wasn't so attractive and vibrant-of course, they're not seeing what I'm seeing.

After my divorce I realized how I never want to be involved in that kind of relationship again-where everything is based on physical or financial attributes. We all want to feel our hearts thumping, and many times, they do in the beginning. Often, a month or two into it, that feeling goes away, and we feel that it's over without realizing that a greater connection may have taken its place.
I have seen many happily married couples-and none have ever told me that their heart still thumps after 5, 10, or 20 years. What keeps them together is a commitment to each other and their mutual/familial commitment to Hashem. I think that this is much more of a blessing than feeling butterflies. I got butterflies the other day when the hot guy at the kosher pizza shop smiled at me. Does that mean I'm going to marry him? LOL Of course not! (well, he's married) You're (P-life is) so fortunate to have realized what every man I've ever come into contact with has been unable to see. We all have to give up on the Hollywood ideals.

Relationships based on physicality and financial stability will doubtlessly end upon the first hint of a problem. I pray that this post of yours gets others thinking upon the same line. It is not settling to give up on these ideals. If anything, it is pure liberation and peace! One man or woman can't hold every ideal, whether it be spiritually, emotionally, or physically. I have searched my soul and prayed and can openly admit that I am far from pefection myself, and that finding a partner where there is mutual love, affection, trust, and common life goals for a future family is what matters most.
For me, finding a man who will help me to build a Jewish life for my chidren, and who will accept my previous children as though they were his own is more than I could ask Hashem for. Perhaps others out there will think I'm settling, but I still have the hope that I can find happiness in such a simple life. Did our grandparents and great-grandparents settle? Did their spouses feel that they were failures is they didn't have movie-star appearances or couldn't offer the other extravagant gifts? My grandmother wasn't worried about wearing a size 2 after giving birth to six children. Her husband never felt like a failure because she didn't have a closet full of Jimmy Choo shoes. We all have to lower expectations of happiness that we transfer onto one single being.
We have friends to chat with, our mothers shoulder to cry on, and a rabbi to learn with. Our spouse is to grow with, share with, and to raise a family with. Hashem wants for us to have a Bashert-even if we have a completely full life, we are still missing something without that person, and He realizes that-but that person simply can't be Everything.

There was a time in my life when a new Hermes bag gave me the same high as the hot pizza guy. B'H' I'm at least on the road where the material doesn't excite me to that degree, and the external is perhaps what grabs my attention, but it's the soul of a person that keeps me coming back. It's knowing that I would rather have a thirty dollar gold wedding band than the thirty thousand dollar diamond ring.

Go! Go P-Life and grab what is before you and continue to let go of your pre-conceived notions! Continue to use your interior struggles to help others-especially others in our Orthodox community in which dating can be most difficult. I remember reading once about Torah of Chesed. That there is no chesed or mitzvah in learning solely for the sake of being intellectual. Learning to turn around and teach/help others is where the mitzvot lie, and when the blessings come. This is what you do-you take your pain and struggle and love and help others by posting, by making them feel they are not the only one, by encouraging them, and by touching another dimension of their intellect. You pique their interest, and hopefully your struggles save them from having as many of their own. Your blessings are coming, P-Life! I send you all of my happy thoughts and kosher hugs...I've infringed so much on your blog, that I think it's finally time to start my own... Journey To O


So, here I am, finally starting my own after all of this procrastination, and I never even started it with the novella-like synopsis of my life I thought would be a preface to a reply/writing such as this past one. Perhaps not thinking about things too much is the way to go.
I look forward to meeting and learning from all of you out there. I am in the beginning of an Orthodox Jewish conversion. I am blessed to have found a path to Judaism, and although I have no issue with accepting Halacha as is, traditional aspects of Jewish life are what I have questions about. These questions are not always things I feel comfortable asking my rabbi, and this anonymous forum seems just the place to find out how others truly live and what their expectations are. Their private expectations and needs and desires. Shabbat Shalom. I look forward to more...