Reputations...
I have a quick question-for once! LOL A friend of mine ( a woman who recently converted) wishes to take me out for a drink for my birthday. A big sarcastic yeah-I'm 28! I would love to go out for a glass of wine/martini and I'm am little bit nervous. I haven't really done so since I'm been observant-it's not that I don't enjoy a drink once in a while. Trust me, there are many Shabbat mornings when my kids are driving me insane and I covet the special kiddush they have in my shul. It's just that except for Purim and Pesach, I've never seen another woman drink more than a cheekful of wine. Being that I live in a small community, I just thought I would ask if going out would damage my reputation. I don't want to hide or pretend to be something I'm not-but would it be easier if I went to a different part of town? I'd appreciate another's outlook.....
posted by Above Rubies @ 11:41 PM
6 Comments:
I think the issue would be more with drinking non-kosher wine. :) I don't see any issue with drinking a martini as long as you make sure the mixers they use are kosher (if you choose a flavored martini). There are lots of unmarried women that go out for a beer or other drink once in a while. It's not like you're going to get drunk. I would think that married women are going to tend to stay away from the alcohol more because they're usually not on birth control.
(BTW, do you have a copy of "The Shabbos Home" and "The Shabbos Kitchen" (Artscroll). I've been meaning to look up the halacha about clearing crumbs/things that might smear off of tablecloths, but haven't had a chance.)
I have neither and I apparently need to get them, and soon. My rabbi told me if I can't reach him and I'm in doubt, go with Artscroll.
Ok-the birth control comment. Is it that they are afraid of the health of a baby if they became pregnant while drinking, (which to my understanding, there shouldn't be a problem with conception-it's drinking throughout the pregnancy that causes concern) or is it they are afraid of drinking, letting down their defences, and becoming pregnant at all? LOL
Or just that we're not supposed to make love while intoxicated? What is too intoxicated to make love? See why I can't ask my rebbitzin this stuff?
You need to find the right Rabbi/Rebbetzin (<--not a victor/victoria reference). I have been lucky to find a cool rabbi who is easy to talk to, able to relate to peoples needs in an honest way. People like him are hard to find but when you find someone like him....marry him or, well, just speakyour mind.
Smoo...You're right, and I hope to find someone in the future. I actually feel a little modest about certain subjects. I can't even begin to say how much I respect my rabbi, and how warm and wonderful he is-I just think he and his wife will wonder why I'm asking certain questions-whether it be too early, or that they expect that I just wouldn't be doing certain things. I'm just pondering a few things now before I ask-I like to see other opinions. His recommendation is where I will hold, but I couldn't bother him with every minute questions I have. Such as-If a woman is niddah and something horrible happens that would make her incredibly upset and need to be comforted, is her husband allowed to hold her? If I called every time I thought of something like that, he would be talking to me for an hour each day! LOL
Do you know about mayimrabim.com? That's a good place to talk about niddah-related issues. I also asked the question about wanting to be held if I was amazingly upset. The general consensus was that it would not be allowed-- unless I was on the verge of killing myself. :) You're supposed to find other ways to relate and comfort each other during that time.
As far as pregnancy and alcohol... I think the base assumption is that orthodox women want to get pregnant; children are a blessing. I made that comment about married women not drinking much because I don't think that most women know the instant they conceive. I certainly wouldn't want to risk drinking if I might be pregnant and not know it. :)
Oh-I hope that I didn't come off as one who thinks pregnancy isn't a huge blessing-I was just kind of thinking about the women who already had 12. I didn't even put two and two together-about the possibility of already being pregnant. I actually did know when I conceived! You are full of info-I'm checking out that website asap. Good Shabbos.
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