Try Again

I bombed the interview. I had tears streaming down my face for the entire half hour. They started when I was reading Tehillim, when several of the psalms had huge spiritual significance to how I was feeling. I was so spiritually overcome that I wasn't able to stop them. Even when I was smiling and laughing, they still spilled over my cheeks.

I have never felt so vulnerable. I have never had to talk about every emotional part of my life in thirty minutes. To why I want to be Jewish, to the exact reasons of my divorce, my chidren's almost non-relationship with their father, and how much the acceptance of these men means to me just overwhelmed me. They even asked me about my emotional state after I was basically crying for 15 minutes. My Rav is probably more embarrassed than I am, and they most likely think I'm an emotional nutjob. If I had a box of brownie mix right now, I'd eat the entire bowl with a spatula ...