Shabbat Invitations and Bad Behaviour

Shavua Tov! I hope everyone had a good Shabbos. My kids were horrible yesterday. There were other kids their ages who didn't want to share, so mine were crying, and then they started fighting with each other. My son had a temper tantrum and bit his sister. This really freaked me out-he bit her three years ago, and it hasn't happened since. I took him outside, and all seven kids from next door to where I was having lunch came out to watch. Then the mother came out-her son is in my class. I wanted to die. Here I am, a teacher in a day school, and my own kids are losing it. What I find odd is that I have no issue getting other kids to do what I wish. I can discipline them in a quiet manner and they listen. My kids are another issue. I always end up raising my voice. And I dislike that immensely. I feel horrible if I yell. I NEVER yelled when I was married. But I shouldn't have to ask or tell 5 times. They should do something when I ask it. I also find that I deal with things better when I'm not exhausted, so I'm letting a few things (like unpacking and ironing) slide for now until we're rested and on a schedule. I'm trying to be sensitive, for we have had a lot of changes lately. I don't think they are bad changes, but everything is new to them.

I've been getting alot of invites lately. I always say thank you, and then I ask, "Are you aware that I have young children?" This raises a few eyebrows. What's so horrible about young children? What nice Jewish family would be offended by a family?

There are one or two houses my kids consitently do well at. Other than that, and I know this sounds horrible, but I prefer to go alone. If it's a new family/couple, I really enjoy getting to know them without having to deal with the kids. Does that make me sound like a wretched mother? I don't have a husband to pass them off on if I'm in the middle of an important conversation. My kids are young-I can't expect for them to sit at a table for a few hours. I'm lucky if I can get them through Kiddush and 5 bites of chicken. That's another thing. My son is a picky eater. I always tell the host beforehand not to be offended. His diet consists of carbs, dairy, and PLAIN meat. Steak, chicken, whatever-but he just won't eat something like cholent. I have to scrape herbs off of his chicken so he'll taste it. I know that it sounds like I have a brat, but he's just always been that way. So, the various salads and dishes that I think are wonderful, he won't eat.

I have been speaking to other mothers lately. Basically, it seems that they also have a few houses they eat at-with close friends who aren't judgemental, and where they can put little ones down for naps if needed. Other than that, the families stay in. We can't control if it's a good day or crabby day, and it feels like when it's most important for me to have them behave, that is the day their behaviour makes me want to cry.

Has anyone out there had similar experiences? Picky eaters? Sharing issues at a strangers house? Shabbat is still new for us-every big dinner before this has been with my family. My mom thinks that it's just too long of a day for them. They are 4 and 6. We walk 6 (long city) blocks to Shul, and then walked about 7 more to lunch, and then 8 or so home. If I don't go out, I will feel completely isolated. I know that a lot of women don't go when their kids are young-either out of difficulty or eruv restrictions. Perhaps were I raised Jewish I could manage this-but this is new for me and I don't feel connected if I miss shul. I'm thinking that unless it's one of our regular families, that I should just not accept invitations on weekends where I have the children. Is this viable?

In the end, I'm sure that the Chabad family I ate with has already forgotten the temper tantrum. They're just happy that I plugged in the air conditioner...