Unintentional Voyeurism?

Today in shul, my Rav spoke about questions he gets that he has no answers for. One of his subjects was about blogging. According to halacha, it is wrong to read another’s personal mail. A congregant asked him if it is wrong to read a blog that is purposely made anonymous by the writer once the reader has figured out who the writer is? A blog is an open space, but would the author share such personal ideas and feelings if his or her identity was pubic knowledge? And although the writer may not specifically ashamed of the content of the blog, would the writer necessarily share such things with a stranger in a supermarket? My Rav honestly answered “I don’t know.”

I’m almost positive that his pertains to me personally. Am I ashamed of anything I have written? Heavens no. Are there things that I wouldn’t necessarily share with the lady who takes my latte orders? You bet. I guess in an anonymous forum it is easier to get personal. Many of the things I write about I also talk about with others in my life. I also feel the need to point out that this is where I go to vent or to ask questions about social interraction within Orthodoxy. This is not where I go to for questions on halacha. I may see new things and ponder new ideas, but if I have a question that involves my Judasim, there is only one man who answers those questions, and one man whose answers I hold to.

I live in a pretty small community. I have left enough personal information around that anyone could figure out who I am. This is ok with me. Readers may not agree with anything I write about-and I’m also fine with that. I’m issuing a heter. Can I do that since I haven't earned s'micha? LOL Not really, but for all intensive purposes, consider it issued. You know who I am. Continue reading. Do you have questions? I have an email link. I’m very open-I would be happy to talk.

I think I have stayed anonymous out of safety concerns. Some do because they’re dating and don’t want other people on the market to know who they are. Others write about how they pretend to be Orthodox when they have fallen away. Ok-that’s serious-I can see why they’re anonymous, for they may be shunned. I’m not in either of those situations. If you had my name and picture, would it make my posting more valid? Would that assure my Rav that I have nothing to hide? I plan on telling him that I blog motzei shabbos-and asking his advice. I don’t want him thinking I’m doing something wrong. But, is posting more details about myself dangerous to me? There are nutty people-I’ve come into contact with a few. What of the man who I turned down who wanted to inappropriately meet me? He could be vindictive and lie about me when I had done nothing wrong.

This topic was spoken about during lunch today. I admitted that I blogged. My host, whom I respect very much, was very upset by the whole idea of blogging. She feels it’s inappropriate and dangerous. I can see why she would feel that way. Anyone could lie. It could all be fantasy.

The woman sitting next to me admitted that she blogged, but hers is not anonymous. Another woman said “What are people to do? It gets lonely in this community. How else are young people going to connect?” I think she hit it right on. That’s what this is about for me. I’m really not here to date. It’s hard to meet other young Jews who may have had similar experiences to me. Being that blogging is predominantly anonymous is precisely why most people share such intimate thoughts. I realize that to people in an older generation, this will never make sense. But for my fellow bloggers, who share their hearts and souls and dreams, and I can read and say “I’ve had that experience-let me help you or encourage you,” well, how would we do so otherwise? We have a need to share. To connect. To know we’re not the only one who might possibly think a certain way.

I brought up sites like Frumster. How else are singles from a small community going to meet others who are interested in marriage? Especially a BT or Ger, whose families or friends may not have the kind of connections to help with a shidduch. Assuming everyone is honest, what better way to get to know about someone? My host was also unhappy with the idea of internet dating. Even on a specifically Jewish site.I’m not saying one shouldn’t check references, but what’s so wrong with it? Is this just a generational gap, where nothing I could say could make her understand? I brought up a situation of a young kallah that just moved home, pregnant, because her spouse of less than a year is abusive. That match was set up by a shadchan. The family is very involved and well respected-it’s not as if they didn’t check references. If bad things can happen to her, they can happen to any of us.

After I speak with my Rav, I will need to make a decision. Do I continue blogging as is, hoping that my gentle reader won’t feel he/she is prying into my personal space? Or do I make myself known? Am Ito publish photos and say my full name and give you the name of my rav and my shul, just to show that I’m not ashamed of my thoughts or feelings? Will keeping anonymous make me appear to be dishonest or as if I’m hiding what I’m doing? If I published my information, would I be able to be as candid as I have been thus far? I hope to have answers soon….