Patience

It has never been my virtue. I so wish that I could say it was, that I was somewhere close to being a patient woman, mother and wife, but I have a very difficult time putting my life in the hands of others.

Today is the second Vaad meeting. The first was a month ago. After the first one, the Rabbaim decided that they needed more time to think about my conversion. In the middle of my process, there was a change as to how long a potential convert should be in "the pipeline." So, I'm sitting here, not having attended the meeting today, wondering what they will decide. To be honest, I don't trust them much anymore. I have seen a side that most converts probably aren't privy to. I have had to accept and admit that politics play a more important role in their decisions than my neshama or my actions. What else can I possibly do? I have done everything that they have asked of me. I feel as though this has become about how much information I can memorize, or how many shiurim I attend, instead of my faith and desire to be a Jew. Every part of my life is immersed in Judaism. When it comes down to it, does showing my face at a Kashrus class mean more than keeping a kosher life?